My Family Motto goes as such: Cruickshank's never give up... but they know when to quit. Hippie Camp didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped it would. I decided to quit while I still had my sanity, and come home early. Live and learn, Hey?
I struggled a lot these past 4 weeks of highs, lows and everything in between, but I am happy for the experience. Some really great insights have already become evident to me, and I know once I am home many more will also show up! This experience really forced me to really go deep down inside myself, ask the hard questions and Get Real with myself. This whole wholistic movement that is happening is an amazing road, that is asking, rather calling for us to get back to our roots and live more simply. BUT I need to rethink my place inside that movement. This particular path, as a career choice, isn't my life's calling - which in discovering this is a major blessing when I think about all the time and money and other precious untangle resources I could have used up chasing a white rabbit. Thank-you Universe!
The biggest gift that I was given is the realization that the best medicine we can give to ourselves is "Happiness Everyday, in all things". Being out at the centre was a huge character building experience for me, and am grateful for the experience, and all that I went through, however I am ALSO very grateful to be back on solid ground. Which is another great lesson - no matter what you do, always keep your grounding. Hummm, like what - oh yeah - the Willow Tree.
I will be writing more in depth about the last week at Hippie camp - especially the 7 day juice fast that I did, but for now it is time to do some "grounding therapy" and buy some new pants!
So for now here is a blog about getting lost while I was in London, England this past December.
Enjoy it!
"Lost in London"
Since I was a little girl I have loved, love, LOVED going to musicals. I sometimes wish people would break out into spontaneous song and dance, but that is another story. London is the birthplace of virtually every fabulous musical. Okay, that maybe an exaggeration, although London’s West end is full of theaters to the point of being overwhelming. If there is anything worth spinning into a song and dance production it will be done in London. All the talk about how amazing London’s Musical scene was got me very excited to see my first West End Show. Top of the list was “Wicked”. It is Paul’s favorite. He loves it SO much he even has the soundtrack on his iPod.
I have this fabulous memory of Paul belting out the words to ‘defying gravity’, which is the big moment song from the musical, while I listened along on his iPod. We were walking home across the Grandville Bridge in Vancouver. We danced and sang across the bridge looking like complete buffoons, BUT we were having way too much fun to care. I absolutely had to go and see Wicked with Paul while I was in London!
Unfortunately Paul couldn’t take the time off of work to come with me. If I was going to see it, I was on my own. I was totally crushed at first. Mostly because I was feeling sorry for myself due to the fact that I was in London and having to enjoy all these fabulous things all on my own. (Oh woe is me, soooooooo hard done by!) I was really looking forward to share this with Paul, too. It didn’t take me too long to get over myself, and I decided not to be a spoiled brat and went on my own. The evening actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I took myself out for a nice dinner, and had a wonderful time at the show. My seat was amazing, and the show itself was even better. It hit all the right notes in my book! (Pun intended)
The show was fabulous, getting home, however was the real adventure. Since I am so independent and self-reliant I decided that I could make it home on my own. Paul was teaching a class on the other side of town, so I thought, “How hard could it be, right?” As you guessed it, WRONG! Amazingly, I managed to navigate the train lines perfectly, getting all the way to Hither Green station with no fuss. Well, maybe a little fuss. I did spend 15 minutes in a panic on the over ground train to Hither Green because I wasn’t exactly sure I was on the right train. It takes about 18 minutes before the first stop and they don’t announce anything until you are almost there. Good news was I had guessed right. “PHEW! Thank goodness.” I was feeling quite proud of my resoursefulness as we pulled into the station. Little did I know that my luck was about to run out. A 15-minute walk from the flat.
Before going our separate ways earlier in the night Paul left me with these directions”
“Okay, so once you get off the train, head for the exit, go down the ramp, turn left and just follow the people up the road. Ask someone how to get to such and such street and then walk down the road to the apartment. There will be loads of people, really, just follow the crowds and ask anyone for help.”
“Maybe I should write this down?”
“Darling it is SO easy. Just follow the people and ask questions if you need to. You have the keys, so you can let yourself in. Right Darling I’m off. I’ll get the togs out for ”
The train pulled into the station at 10:50 pm, and I was very much looking forward to collapsing into my togs. I got up from my seat and took my position with the crowd of people waiting to get off.
“Okay, here I am. I made it! I am ssssoooo smart, YEAH me! Right focus…Paul said follow the people. I can do this. Oh I am so looking forward to getting out of these stupid high-healed boots and snuggling into my togs. Almost there, follow the people, just follow the people. Then I go down the ramp and turn…. Left. It was left, right? Yes, he definitely said left. Man, the station looks kind of scary in the dark. Oh jeeze I hope nobody pick pockets me, or beats me up. That would be bad. That would be very bad. NO! Don’t think about that. Everything will be okay. Ohm namah shivaya. Ohm namah shivaya. Anyways you can run fast, or hit them with your purse. Gosh this thing weighs a TON! WHAT do I have in here? Bad guys be wear of the flying brick purse. Okay……focus……Deep Breath…here we go, follow the people.” ”
The train doors opened and the mass of people flooded out onto the awaiting platform. As Paul instructed I followed the people. We walked down the platform, up the steps, over the bridge, down the steps and continued to the exit.
“Oh yeah, I am good! Look at me go. I am following the people. PFFFTT. London isn’t so bad after all”
I was happily following the crowd of people like a good little sheep, a smile plastered on my face. It all seemed to be going good – too good, almost. Then I got this sinking feeling that something just didn’t feel quite right. I stopped one of the ladies in the throng to ask her if this was the way to the exit – just to be sure. She informed me that this was indeed the way to AN exit, except there were two exits. The main entrance was back the other way.
“TWO EXITS??? Oh bloody hell, he told me nothing about two bloody exits. Which one was it? ”
I decided that logically I should try the main entrance first. So, back down the platform, up the stairs, over the bridge, down the stairs, up the platform, through the ticket office, and down the ramp I went. I turned left as Paul had instructed and walked out into the surrounding streets, which were now deserted. All the people that I was suppose to follow and ask questions had vanished into thin air! They had cracked on with their lives while I was walking towards the wrong exit.
“Okay Jaime girl, no problem, you can do this. Take a deep breath. Think, think, think. Which way did you go that first day that you were here. ”
I had a somewhat foggy picture in my mind of the walk home, since Paul and I had come home from this station on my very first day. However, I was slightly tipsy and majorly jet lagged - NOT so good for the memory recall. As if trying to relocate a lost item, I scanned my brain for any clues to lead me home.
The dark stillness of the surrounding streets was beginning to freak me out! Naturally, at this very unconvient moment logic and reasoning decided to take a vacation leaving room for panic and doubt to creep in!
“Okay maybe London is THAT bad to navigate after all. I have ABSOLUTLY no idea where I am!”
I walked up the little street hoping that I would see something familiar. I looked up to the street sign, which read, “Westminster St”. I figured it was WAY too common of a name to forget. If Paul had told me this street name I would have remembered. BUT, the street did look kind-of, somewhat possibly familiar, so I set off at a brisk pace down the street making a mental note of the twists and turns I was making in order to get back if needed.
“COULD THIS BE IT? Could it be right, oh I think I am right. Oh sweet Jesus, thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you!”
Things were looking up! I was feeling like I was on cloud number 9, a tog cloud that is! Somehow I had guessed my way back to the flat in the pitch dark. Gosh I was good! ERCH…. I stopped my “yay, me party” just short of a pat on the back. Upon getting closer and closer to the end of the street I knew that this wasn’t right. So close, yet no cigar!
“AAARRRRGGGGG! All these stupid apartment all look the stupid same, because they are basically the same, only slightly different, but essentially the same. Row after stupid row of identical apartments. It’s a wonder there aren’t more people wandering around the streets of London looking for their apartments. Stupid London!” I grumbled to myself in frustration, and continued to grumble to myself, as I walked up and down the street hoping for something to jog my memory. I surly must have looked like a crazy person!
“Okay, calm down. You can figure this out. You are smart, intelligent and resourceful. Paul must have meant right. He said left, but it must been right. Of course! I surly didn’t get it wrong. I am sooooo looking forward to shoving this in his face!! That’s not childish at all!”
I walked back to the station to see if right could possibly be the right answer. However, when I emerged out onto the other side, right didn’t seem right either. NOW WHAT? I trumpsed back through the station, went up the ramp, through the empty ticket office, up the platform, up the stairs, over the bridge, down the stairs, down the platform and out the second exit. The second exit was for sure not the right way. NOW WHAT???? I was in the right place, yet nothing seemed to be right?
I was slowly starting to work myself up into a nervous wreck as I walked back to the other side of the station. I had no phone and no number to call Paul even if I did. The streets were eerily deserted, so I couldn’t even ask anyone for directions. Besides, in my panic, I had already forgotten the names of the streets I was looking for. What was I going to ask? “Um. Could you possible direct me to my friend Paul’s flat? What do you mean you have no idea who he is!?” I was nervous, frustrated and fighting hard to keep the tears at bay.
“Okay, lets try right again. Surly Paul must have told me wrong! (Walk, walk, walk) Hummmm, maybe? Oh god I am just thinking that it is right because I want it to be right, because then getting lost is less my fault because he said left.” I tried left again. I walked up and down Westminster Street hoping that some act of God to save me. With every pass up and down Westminster St, Beacon Street seemed to be calling to me, like it was luring me to go that way. I figured it was too ironic to be the right street. Also, I was also too chicken to get too far away from the station.
I tend to get emotional at the best, and worst of times. It was getting progressively harder to hold back my tears, now that I was beginning to panic at the hopeless situation.
“What am I going to do, what am I going to do? &*$%! You know God you think your pretty funny don’t cha!?. I know I am going to laugh as soon as I figure this all out, but right now I am NOT having fun, and I am certainly NOT in the laughing mood. Why do these things ALWAYS happen?”
“Really, you don’t feel like laughing? Not even a little bit?” God Replied.
“Wellll…. Maybe a little bit! I guess it is pretty funny.” And then I started to laugh and cry at the same time. Deary me!
After a few deep breaths, I had managed to calm myself down enough to function at a somewhat normal capacity.
“There HAS to be a solution, I know there is. Think, think, think. What is the most logical thing to do?” I tried stomping my feet. That certainly was not logical, and didn’t even feel good either! I still didn’t know what to do and now my feet hurt more then they already did!
“OKAY, take a deep breath……. And another…….. And another…okay, maybe one more. RIGHT, so the reality of the situation is I have COMPLETELY forgotten the names of the streets I am suppose to take, Paul can’t help me because I can’t call him, I have absolutely no back up plan, my feet were killing me, I am not even entirely sure I am in the right place, I am exhausted, completely alone and it is really late…… Awesome!”
With all this in mind, I still could not bring myself to even think about giving up and getting back on a train into the city, to find a hotel for the night. Sheesh, I can be frustrating! Some people may call that complete stubbornness (which really it is!) however I like to think of it as tenacity! That stubborn tenacity is born from a complete faith in myself, wrapped up in the belief that everything will work out in the end. Besides look at all the hilarious stories these adventures leave in the wake. At least that is how I cope with it!
“If only I had a map. I am sure I could figure out how to get to Paul’s flat if I had a map. WHY don’t I have a map?” I thought to myself maki,lng a mental note to never travel without one again.
“Wait a minute, what’s that? Oh my goodness, what is THAT? No it can’t be, can it?” I nearly ran virtually shaking with excitement towards what I thought could be the answer to my prayers. “Thank-you, thank-you, THANK-YOU!” I shouted up towards the heavens, for I was right. Posted on the brick wall outside the station was big old map of the area!
I was filled with elation and disbelief! The first time I walked out of the station I had inkling to walk over to them, but decided to disregarded them, since I thought they were maps of the train lines. (And I was gonna give up THAT easily) All I could do was shake my head and smile at my bull-headedness. The answer had been right in front of me the whole time! “OH WELL, I wouldn’t have this great story to tell if I figured it out from the beginning! Okay, now to actually figure this out.”
It took me a few moments to find the station, since there wasn’t one of those handy “You are Here” stickers. What I really needed was a “You need to be Here” sticker, but no such luck. Since the route didn’t magically appear as I had hoped, it was once again up to logic. Figuring out where I needed to be was proving to be harder then I thought and called for all my powers of deduction. Again, I mentally retraced our steps and replayed our conversations as you would when trying to locate lost items, such as keys, wallets, ect. I do that quite frequently, so I am very adept with this sort of thing!
“Look for land marks. Row house, row house, pub, row house, shop, shop, shop, row house pub…… CHURCH! There is a church.” Paul lives down the street from a church! I remember having a good laugh when Paul pointed it out.
“And this is the Ye ‘ol church of England I attend each Sunday like a good little boy”
“What? You go to church every Sunday? I don’t even go to church! You are full of surprises. OR full of it!”
“HAHAHA! No Darling! You know me better then that! I haven’t been to church for ages. I am actually surprised that I haven’t been struck down by lightening yet. You know living so close to a church while living in my heathen ways and such!”
It took me a few moments to track down the station, but I did, and then went to work on finding my way home.
“Okay, so Paul lives by a church. There is a start. Now which direction would said church be? Okay, there is a school, and another one… What are the chances of the church even being on the map? OOOHH there it is. Oh YEAH, that’s the street that I am looking for. How did I EVER forget St. Sinswithins St??? You know being such a common name and all. Okay, now to just trace the route backwards to the station and…. Son OF A! You have got to be KIDDING ME! “
I HAD to laugh and shake my head when I figured out that Beacon St was, after all, the street that would have solved all my problems in the first place!
“See it IS funny” God laughed down at me.
At this point I didn’t care about my sore feet. I wanted to get home so bad that I took of running. I ran all the way home… well not all quite all the way home. I did have to stop at the top the hill for a moment! When I finally reached the flat, I nearly dropped to my knees, to kiss the front step. I stomped up the stairs, opened the door, and dropped into a puddle on the living room floor.
“DARLING, I was getting worried about you. What happened?”
One look at Paul and I burst into tears. “I GOT LOST,” I wailed. “I have been wondering around outside ALL by myself for HOURS…. Okay well maybe not hours. Maybe only 45 minutes, but it felt like a really long time.” Through my sobs, I continued to regal Paul with my recent adventure. He gave me a hug and told me he was glad that I didn’t get beaten up, robbed, and left for dead. He then handed me a glass of Pinot Gregio – his cure all for everything – and we laughed and laughed and laughed!
Peace, Love and Laughter Y'all!
