The Other Day

OKAY, so my first night was not that great.  I am not sure why, but I felt more alone then I have in a very long time.  Everyone was so welcoming, but they also have their own rhythms.  I know I will fit in soon enough, but last night I couldn’t help but look up to the heavens and wonder,

“WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  I am covered in misqueto bites, living in a tent, cold, and all alone.  I must be INSANE!  I don’t think that I am going to make it.  I want to go home so bad.  I don’t think this is for me.   Again a whole new set of people, a whole new way of life.  This is TOO MUCH.  What was I thinking?“

I was so upset that I cried myself to sleep like a sad, scared little child.  (I know!  I am working hard on that whole honoring yet being in charge of your emotions.  It is a process, Right?)

 In the middle of the night I had to go to the bathroom so bad, yet could bring myself to make the hike to the outhouse that I ended up peeing in one of my water bottles!  I washed it thoroughly this morning!  (Who knew all my years of  getting drug tested and peeing into a cup would paid off someday! EEEWWW!)

Despite my not-so-smooth first night at the centre I did wake up this morning with a positive outlook.  Even though it was only 5:40 and I already had 3 misquito bites, as I trekked down to the wash station to get ready for the day (and clean my water bottle with massive amounts of soap) I felt recharged.  The air was so crisp and fresh, the birds were singing their sweet morning melodies, and I had made it through the night.

This is a huge change I am making and I have to give myself credit for jumping in.  I am not entirely sure how far down this rabbit hole I want to enter.  I still want to function in my world, while adding as much from this world that is functional.  It is the balancing act that I am destined and determined to figure out.   One of my favorite things we do each day is take a break mid-morning.  It is called tree time.  Everyone grabs an apple and spends ½ and hour by a tree, or in my case IN the tree.  It is so fun to reconnect with a childhood passion of climbing trees.  Somehow I always feel more at peace in the air then on the ground!

Another great thing is that we all eat together.  That has always been a big thing in my family and I find comfort in it.  So far, I am thoroughly enjoying the food!  Everything is amazing!  I can’t wait to get into the kitchen and learn EVERYTHING.  Lasagna was served at lunchtime.  Which was also very comforting, since it is one of my mother’s specialties.  Today I worked in the garden with Ron and Jason, the forest gardening apprentices.  It was fun, but it definitely isn’t a calling.  I am going to ask Shantree and Lorena tomorrow if I can move into the kitchen. 

As for my transition here I keep reminding myself that each day will get easier.   It seems crazy that I have pick up and gone away again.  I was really starting to enjoy being in Saskatoon with my friends and family.  I just need to give myself time to adjust

Peace, Love and Laughter y’all