This first blog is basically my life in a nutshell. To help you understand where I am going, I thought it necessary to explain where I am coming from. I tried to be as brief as possible, but it is still quite long, so brace yourselves!
Since October 2008 my life has significantly changed. This past fall I found myself standing in front of a fork in the road. I had been to this particular fork in the road many times before, yet never wanted to make the choice between paths, so I opted to go in circles instead. This time was different. I could not, and would not take the detour of ignorant bliss. Consequently, I was faced with one of the biggest decisions I had encountered in all my 22 years of life. The decision was: which path am I to take? Do I got left, or do I go right? Now, I am not talking about the little deviations to the path that we are continuously, consciously or unconsciously, choosing between. Like, should I paint my walls ocean blue, or sky blue? What I am talking about is: should I paint my walls Red, or Green? These colors are directly opposite on the color wheel! Now that’s a dilemma. Do I continue down the path that I know or, do I turn my world upside down and venture down this new, slightly scary path that my unconscious mind is yelling at me to take?
I am usually the kind of person who will jump off the high-diving board head first into the deep end of the pool, when I am ready to face the decision anyways! So that is what I finally did. I took the plunge and now am skipping down the path to granola-headdom (with Cacao Chocolate chips and coconut of course!) Happiness, Love, Peace the whole shebang! The really interesting thing about this grassy green choice is that the scarlet red path was elite athletics. Prior to coming to this fork in the road I was competing on the Canadian Women’s National Bobsleigh team, which I had been an integral part of for last 4 years. In those four years I was consistently one of the best push athletes (the one at the back!) in the world and had the honor of representing Canada at the 2006 Olympic Winter games. Prior to that I competed for Canada on 4 other National Junior teams.
At 11 I went on my first international trip. A small group from my gymnastics club traveled to Portugal to host gymnastic halftime shows across the country. I competed in my first international event when I was 12 years old at the World Age Group Trampoline and Tumbling Championships, in Sydney, Australia. I was 1 of 4 from our team to compete in all 4 events and finished in 6th place. Gymnastics gave me many valuable skills both mentally and physically. Trampoline and tumbling, in my opinion (not biased what so ever!), reigns supreme in building body awareness and self-confidence. For goodness sake, at 10 years old I was jumping 4-5 feet in the air and doing multiple twisting flips. There isn't much room for self-doubt that high in the air!
From gymnastics I moved on to track and field excelling in sprint hurdles and long jump. I was blessed with more amazing opportunities. I traveled to a lot of wonderful places and met a lot of great people from around the world. I competed on the World Youth Team in Sherbrooke, Quebec, the Pan American Jr. Team in Bridgetown Barbados (where I was witness to Usain Bolt breaking 20.0 in the 200 for the first time!), and World Junior Championships in Grosseto, Italy. I broke city, provincial and even national records. One of the hurdle records that I broke was actually my Aunts from when she was in High School.
Then came bobsleigh. One of the most frequent questions that I get asked is, “How did you, a Saskatchewan, flatland prairie girl EVER get into bobsleigh?” The simple version is that it was just meant to be. The short version is that I was recruited into the sport from track and field. The funny and substantially longer version is that I got zero points in javelin during a heptathlon in July 2004 that was going to qualify me for a National Team in late august. Up until this point I had considered myself a sprint hurdler, who also did long jump. My coach, Todd Johnston, thought different, and was dragging me by the heels into multi-events. I was fighting it the whole way. He figured that with my muscular body type, my speed in hurdles, as well as, my competency in the jumps that there was no WAY I shouldn’t be doing multi-events, but it turns out I can't throw a javelin to save my life! Instead of going to the Netherlands with the National Track and Field team I went to Calgary to meet with Matt Hindle, the bobsleigh recruiter who had talked to Todd about me. The next thing I knew I had dropped out of university, given back my scholarship, moved to Calgary and was training for this ludicrous sport called bobsledding. I mean who bobsleds? All I really knew about the sport is what every other person who had seen ‘Cool Runnings’ knew. Which I found out is really only slightly based on an incredible true story! I had made the national team without even being down the track! See what I mean about head first into the deep end? It was worth it though! I had such an amazing ride throughout those four years and feel truly blessed for all the people I met and all the fantastic memories!
That being said, I was still standing in front of the infamous fork in the road. I had learnt so much about myself, about people and many great lessons, but it was time to close the chapter. The hard part for me was that I wasn’t just closing the chapter on bobsledding. I was closing a chapter on an entire way of life. The only life I had ever really known since a very young age – competitive sport. Leaving is always hard. I knew it was going to be hard to leave bobsleigh, but I also knew it was necessary. What I didn’t prepare myself for was how painful it is for an athlete to leave sport entirely. Taking that first step was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.
I am a firm believer in the fact that we learn more from what we don’t want then by what we do want. The important thing to note is the sooner you find the lesson and move on the less you have to “suffer”. I remember the turning point in my bobsleigh career clear as crystal. I had a list of things that I was determined to achieve during my bobsleigh career. I wanted to go to the Olympics, I wanted to win a world cup medal and I wanted to set a world record start time. The day Helen and I broke the International start record in Lake Placid, USA (by .05 – which is a lot in our world.) I had this weird feeling like it was time to move on. I had no idea where this was coming from, since clearly I was on top of my game (so to speak). I was angry with myself for having these thoughts. So, instead of dealing with what I was feeling, I swatted them away like a pesky fly and continued on my way. During the next two years I dealt with a lot of ‘crap’. I injured my back, got really sick and hurt my ankle in a crash. I was training well executing very well technically, yet the times never reflected any of this. I unfortunately even got to a place where my self-worth was directly tied to my athletic performance. A dangerous thing when you are in a sport where winning and losing can be separated by as little at .01 of a second. YIKES! I was angry with myself for not being able to perform. I was frustrated because I didn’t know what was “wrong”, since I was doing everything else “right” I cried a lot since I was angry, frustrated and scared. I was scared because I knew something needed to change, but who was I if I wasn’t a bobsleigh athlete? I didn’t know how to take that first step, and to be honest I was too scared to take it.
The spring of 2008 I took a yoga teacher training course. I have no idea what possessed me, but I did. I planned to get more knowledge in order to continue my yoga practice while away training and competing on the World Cup Tour for 5 month of the year. What I didn’t plan on was the course changing my life. My whole way of thinking changed. I was starting to see myself as something completely separate from what I did, or how I performed. People started noticing how much calmer I was. I went back to training and was happy to be back, yet something was different.
I am not sure when it exactly happened, but the burning desire to compete and prove myself on the international scene began to die out. I started envisioning myself traveling, going to school, and doing other things. I thought to myself, “Whoa, there is still two more years to the Olympics no more of these crazy thoughts.” But try as I might to focus on training and competing I was craving something different. It was time to go. All I had to do was muster up enough courage to take the first step. It was so simple, yet SO HARD. WHY is the first step ALWAYS the hardest? I know it’s a cliché, but the thing is they become clichés because they are true.
My big ‘ahha moment’ came September 2008, at the final testing camp before the start of the Bobsleigh season. I was eerily nonchalant about testing and okay with it, which was so strange for me since I was normally all fired up. This freaked me out. Not that I was eerily nonchalant about testing, but that I was actually OK with it. However, the real ‘ahha’ came when I stepped out of the “me ego” and saw how intense the new recruits and my teammates on the development team were, and that I was standing in their way. It wasn’t just about me, and my issues anymore. That was the shove that I had been looking for, because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I grabbed my cell phone and snuck out of the side door before testing was even finished. This was it. This was the moment. The decision had been made and there was no turning back. I scanned the area for someplace to shelter myself before the dam exploded. My fingers dialed my mom’s number before I even realized what I was doing. I needed to talk to someone, and she was my person. I burst into tears as soon as she answered the phone. I cried so hard my body was heaving and my eyes were blind with tears. I am still not sure why I reacted that way? It was such a crazy experience. It felt like I was letting go of a part of me, a part that had been a huge piece of my life. I have never been great with good-bye. So here’s me, going through this heart wrenching letting go process, sobbing into the phone with my poor mother on the other end feeling helpless and then, as quickly as the sorrow came it left. I went from feeling like my world was ending in one moment to being totally content in the next moment! Okay, so my process was slightly overdramatic, but it’s my process and its all a part of becoming Jaime!
So you may be wondering “was the all the crying and woe-is-me stuff really necessary?” Who knows? But what I discovered was the world did not end! I realized that even though I was not going to be an elite athlete anymore, I was still me and that I was in charge of my life and that people were going to love me for who I essentially was, and not what I happened to be good at.
Looking back, I am proud of the amazing things I was able to achieve in the 14 years I dedicated to competitive sport. Like being the 6th best12 year old gymnast in the entire world! Being elected team captain and getting to carry the Canadian Flag into the stadium during the opening ceremonies for World Jr. Championships. Going to the Olympics, a goal I set for myself when I was 8 years old. Becoming one of the best technical push athletes in the world. I am also proud of the fact that I was able to help pioneer our women’s bobsleigh team from struggling to successful. I also feel truly blessed for the knowledge that I gained and lessons I learnt. The fruits of these struggles are worth their weight in gold. The people I met, the coaches I worked with, my teammates are all really important to me and I am so happy to have had them in my life. They are all part of who I am today, as well as who I am to become. THANK-YOU everyone for everything!
Putting the pieces back together.......
Since I left the wonderful world of athletics I have been loving the newfound freedom to go out there and explore many new and exciting things. As well, the freedom I have given myself to live through my heart has been intoxicating, which is continually leading me on some fascinating adventures with great stories. I went to Duluth, Utah for a long overdue visit to my cousin. After that I went to London DARLING to visit a bunch of wonderful people, see all the amazing history, and of course take in the MUSICALS. From London I hopped on the Chunnel to France for Christmas in Paris with my family. I got to be home for my birthday and Ukrainian Christmas for the first time in 4 years. In February I went down to Venice, California to study with Shiva Rea (a revolutionary yoga teacher!) and spontaneously decided to travel to India with her for her yoga retreat in Kerala.
Which brings us to the present. My days consist of working at an organic grocery store, teaching my mom and aunt yoga twice a week, and studying for a 3 month apprenticeship in holistic health coming up at the end of May. (Although presently I am in whistler snowboarding, but thats beside the point!) I had been searching for a tools to help me gain the knowledge I needed to help me achieve my (next) ultimate goal. When I stumbled onto the program by chance I was so excited, really I danced around my house like a crazy buffoon at how perfect this course was for me! It was everything that I was looking for and more. The program is called the 7-fold path to peace. Now, if you were anything like me you would have rolled your eyes at the word peace. Even though I was so excited I thought, “geeze I have got to come up with a better word for this.” But seriously once you get past the fact of how over used it is and that it has become a one syllable sound to be used willy-nilly, and not a powerful word designed to cultivate harmony, serenity, tranquility and so on and so forth you see that there is really no other word to replace it!
The thing I love about this program is that it is designed to empower people to bring about a state of peace with their own body, mind and emotions, family, community, culture, ecology and then ultimately the creator. We are being empowered to be the change we wish to see, so that we can go out and empower people to make positive changes in their lives. It incorporates healing modalities for the body, mind and soul! How fantastic is that?! I know I thought so too! And this is just the start.
Peace, Love and Laughter Y'all
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