I find that I have been asking myself the question, “What am I doing here?” quite frequently. Really, what am I doing here? I have come to the conclusion that I don’t know! I DON’T KNOW! Up until now I have rarely been okay with this answer. Right now, not only is this an acceptable answer for me, it is also the best one. My intention for being here was to learn EVERYTHING so that I could run a highly successful retreat centre. A pretty unrealistic goal for myself at this present moment! Not because I can’t do it. I could do it if I really wanted to, but is that something I really want to be doing at 23? The answer… no, eventually YES. In this present moment, right now, I want to experience the joys of being young, and crazy! Not run a centre. I think I forgot that I was 23 years old and that I don’t need to have all the answers right now. I don’t think we ever have all the answers, anyways. Don’t get me wrong, I love to figure things out. I love a good puzzle. However, you can’t define your life as a puzzle if you want to live in the present moment, or rather, if you want to live free.
I also discovered that it is okay to be “nothing”. This is a somewhat difficult concept for me. I have always been able to define myself as “something”. I don’t really know what it feels like to be “nothing”. For most people, myself included, it is scary to let go of the illusion of control we desperately cling to. I put so much pressure on myself of WHAT I am suppose to do, that I got trapped planning my whole life, instead of just LIVING it! Again, don’t need all the answers. This isn’t a test. No one is going stick a grade to my life, or my “life plans”.
Life is a journey. How many times have you heard that right? But it is, plain and simple. Not every day is going to be peaches and cream. How could it be? Would you really want it to be? Diversity is the spice of life, right? Another overused saying that rings true to the core. Every situation we encounter in life is an opportunity for each of us to grow, and learn. Life is full of lessons – “good” “bad” who cares? Take the lesson and move on to the next one!
It is true, however that there is more productive ways tackle challenges than others, which all stem from your ability to know yourself. It’s about being honest with yourself about who you really are AND being stable in that place. However, stability doesn’t mean being rigid.
Take the willow tree for example. I have been spending a fair bit of time in a 20-foot willow tree since being here. Nature has many lessons to teach us if we open our eyes to them. The willow tree teaches us the art of fluid stability. The roots of this mighty tree run deep, keeping it grounded, sturdy in its core. Yet it is flexible. The willow has the ability to sway, and flow with whatever situation life throws its way.
I experienced this first hand one particularly windy afternoon. While I was sitting up in the tree, nestled in my perch, the willow tree was literally rocking from side-to-side. (When I got back to the ground I actually felt like I had just gotten off of a boat!) This didn’t frighten me one bit. I probably should have been thinking, “hhhuuummm, maybe this is a little dangerous”, however all that I could think about was, “So this is what they mean by trusting the process.” There will be heavy “winds” in life, you know the ones that shake you to the core attempting to blow you over. This is no reason to jump out of the tree! If you come from a place of fluid stability you can face anything life blows your way! You can be FREE, all you have to do is choose your attitude.
The follow is something I wrote down my first couple of days here. I brought the book Eat, Pray, Love with me and while looking for another quote in the book this one kept coming back to me. The third time the book feel open to this page, I figured that maybe this was something I needed to read. I rewrote it slightly so that it made more sense to me.
Enjoy -
Instructions for Freedom:
1) Life’s metaphors are God’s instructions
2) There is nothing between you and the infinite. Realize this & Let go
3) Each time the sun sets, it is a time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now let go
4) Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response.
5) Open up your heart to let the sun shine in. Let your heart overflow with the golden light encouraging new things to grow. Positive things. Loving things. All sorts of wonderful things!
6) With all your heart ask for grace & then Let Go.
7) Forgive anyone who has ever hurt you – including yourself & then Let Go.
8) Let your intension be freedom from useless suffering & then Let Go.
9) Surrender to the rhythms and cycles of life. Everything has a season.
10) There is a difference between living life while going through the motions and living life while experiencing the motions. Chose to be ALIVE in every moment.
11) When the past has passed from you at last, LET GO. Then begin the rest of your life with great JOY.
12) Oh ya, and Let Go!
Tuesday, May 26
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