I recently finished a book titled, “Forty rules of love – a book of Rumi”. This book touched my soul, and its message came at a time when I needed it. (Funny how that happens!) Lately, I have been searching for a bit of inner guidance - neither religious nor “new wave spirituality”. I’ve tried them both, and although they work for many people neither of these paths are not mine to walk. Not that I believe that I am superior, just different.
I began searching because I have been feeling a little lost, empty and in search of something….more. I was raised in the Anglican tradition (the semi-made up church of England), and celebrated Ukrainian traditions on the high holy days. I don’t think that I was ever really religious. At church as a child I listened politely to the stories, sang the song, but mostly colored in my coloring book! After being confirmed, I left the church in search of something else. (A little bit backwards I know - to confirm my “faith” in the church, only to leave it once I reached the age “deemed fit to make that decision”, but there you have it). I was always unsettled to think that God only heard our prayers once a weak in a certain places. Or that people only talked to god when they needed something.
Since a child I have always had a communication with “god” (whomever or whatever you want to call that “presence”) that is constant, and all encompassing. So what did I need people teeling me what to do for? God was inside me, and so I began my own spiritual journey. This journey has lead to me to many different places - elite athletics: gymnastics, track & field and bobsledding, and eventually a more spiritual world. Praying to the god of athletics, I got lost in the perpetual drive for competitive excellence. Then my brief, yet intense love affair with the world of yoga and all things “mystical” had me lost is their esoteric ways. That came to a crashing halt as I met person, after person on the path that was more angry, bitter and dissatisfied than most “unenlightened” people.
As I mentioned before, I have always believe that “GOD” as we so readily call him, her, or whatever is within me, as it is with all of us. “Heaven” and “hell” resides within all of us as well – both constituting the emotional states we put our “mortal souls” through on a daily basis. That small voice inside us (and I am not talking about schizophrenia – which is a chemical imbalance within the brain, and something we are all susceptible to) is in fact “God”. No wonder there are so many versions of god, as there are so many version of reality among individuals. To demand that everyone subscribe to one version of “God” outside themselves is cure and unusual punishment, and for a long time it actually was.
Cognitively speaking “God” can be localized in a specific part of our brain. This “God Gene” as is has been dubbed, effects everyone in different ways. For some the impacts are stronger than others. (Probably the reason why some are believers, while others doubt.) The localization of the God gene highly impacted both scholarly and religious communities. Proof that God didn’t exist for the former, and proof that God did exist for the later. My argument: WHO CARES? Who cares if God exists or not? We are all wondering blindly on the path of life. We all have to walk our own path, and no two paths will ever be the same. We all need to subscribe to the "rules" that make sense to us, and forget about the rest.
So here I am - neither believing in Gods existence as the religious would have me believe, or disbelieving in gods existence as the scholars would have me believe. I exist in a world where I am carving my own path, yet remain open to the wisdom and suggestions of others. Which brings me to one of my new year’s resolutions: a 365-day quest, a quest of Rumi- the infamous poet of love. He preached about a love that was open to all people, all religions, and all interpretations. I found a book of interpreted poems by Rumi – 365 of them to be exact. My goal is to read a poem by Rumi each day for the next year to see where it takes me. I hope throughout this journey to find a deeper love within myself for myself, for others and for one other.
And so I begin, on the first day of 2011 with the first poem of Rumi.
Wish me luck!
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