Today I made peace with the Greenhouse. I actually enjoyed my time with the plants. The process of watering all of them is tedious and long, but can be very medicinal. When Shantree first told me that I was going to be the Greenhouse Diva for the next few weeks I thought, “Great, a new challenge for me to tackle! This is going to be fun.” Although after about 5 minutes on my own I wasn’t feeling such inthusasium. In fact I was angry. I hated going into the greenhouse, well not hated (because in my family “we don’t hate”), but I definitely had very strong negative feelings towards this particular job. My time in the greenhouse felt like being in a cage. I felt totally trapped. Really, it became a prison of my own creation.
I came to the centre determined to learn EVERYTHING and be SUCCESSFUL. Which is NOT a bad thing, but how I decided to project that was not very helpful to my growth. Since I decided (subconsciously) to exist in a self imposed prison I thought, “What the heck. I am here to learn, WHY am I stuck in here all by myself without a clue as to what I am suppose to be doing? Nobody is teaching me anything. Besides, this is not my work. I have nothing to do with these plants. They are the product of someone else’s work. I should be out in the garden, or in the kitchen learning something.” I was totally blind to the unspoken lessons you begin to pick up when you slow down, open your eyes and listen.
Somehow along the path of life I got myself stuck on a track, a track of a speeding train going nowhere fast. I became so wrapped up in myself, trying to do everything right and being perfect, as well as what my future held for me, that I stopped being totally present to what was actually going on around me. I mean I wasn’t totally submerged, I was still able to come up for air – especially when dealing with other people. When dealing with myself however, I wasn’t completely present.
It is truly fascinating how are minds, or our egos, can so easily lie to us, telling us what they need us to hear. This ego of ours is a double-edged sword, that is an integral part of our built in survival mechanisms. The ego is there to serve our best interests, because our ego wants us to survive. When it is necessary our ego will step in to do damage control until we are ready to deal with the emotions, or situations that cause us dis-ease. The trouble starts when we forget to go back and do the work. Meltdowns occur when things keep piling up and we are already so far behind.
What I am starting to learn is how essential it really is to listen to the advice our bodies are trying to communicate to us. Not only is it hard to hear our bodies due to all the mental clutter, but also most of us have stopped looking inside ourselves for the answers. Instead we look externally for the solutions to our happiness.
I have never had a hard time hearing what my body has been telling me. What I have been struggling with is the act of Listening and following what I am being told. As I slowly start to sink into the simplicity of being here at the centre, and consciously start to take back the reigns to my own life I am flabbergasted by how much I actually did know that I needed. Which is EXCITING, but kind of make me want to bang my head against a wall for not taking the necessary steps towards giving it to myself. BUT, it also makes me rejoice because now that I am understanding the reasons behind these impulses I can accommodate myself even better!
I am still not too overly fussy about being in the greenhouse, but I have chosen to change my attitude and enjoy myself. The work needs to get done, so I may as well have fun while I am doing it!
Food for thought: It is true that you should do what you love, but it is also true that you also should love what you do – even if it is not what you love.
Peace, Love and Laughter y’all!
Wednesday, May 27
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