Yesterday

The past few days I have really been struggling with myself.  A few very important feelings have surfaced in my conscious mind.  One, I don’t want to be here right now.  Two, I am not sure if this is what I really want to be doing with my life.  Three, even though I am still certain of creating the Lalilo wellness center, I am fairly certin it is not right for me now, like I have gotten here before my time.  Four, despite STILL wanting to create Lalilo Wellness I do see myself as the “producer” rather then the director.  As in, I want to create this wonderful centre as a place to house many talented individuals to do many extradionary things.  I have a lot of living to do before I am ready for this! 

I have been running from a lot of my problems for a while.  I understand that now.  It was essential for me to take a break from “reality” after pushing the boundaries of my physical and mental limits for so long in an environment that no longer brought me joy.  I needed to take the time for myself, to heal, and discover what was next for me.  However, somehow in this process I got lost in thinking what I needed to do was what I wanted to do.  I began to throw myself into healing future clients problems, instead of working through my own issues.  It was a lot easier for me to work on someone else’s hypothetical problems then to face my own.  Also, in discovering that my life had to change I pushed away anything and anybody that was related to the world of sports.  In a way, completely disengaging brought me to a place where I lost touch with reality – my own reality anyways. 

Thankfully there is good news for me!   In taking all these courses I have all the lessons, guidance and teachings to actually do the work for myself!  As well I was able to pass along my findings to anyone who wanted to listen – not so bad!  Also, I am NOW open to actually hear what my inner voice is telling – if not yelling - at me.  It also doesn’t seem so scary to actually listen and follow through, considering it is so rewarding.

So the big question is what about this raw-food veganism stuff?  I am going to continue to approach it as I have until now.  I totally see the importance of fresh fruits and veggies and love how I feel, so that will stay.  I love my greenies, so that is for sure going to stay as well.  My delicious raw granola with fresh almond milk is DEFINITELY staying.  Nuts, seeds and sprouts can stay too!  I look forward to experimenting and trying new recipes while staying laid back about it.  The most important thing is about being happy and loving life.  What I am trying to say is I am not going to freak out and feel guilty if I eat some cooked food here or some yummy salmon sashmi there! 

Peace, Love and Laughter Y’all.

Today